I remember those annoying words mami Juya, my grandmother,  used to tell me each time she would see me heading out to school at 7 in the morning.  “Mira! Nena! Dime con quien andas, y te dire quien eres.” In good translation, that would be “Look! Little girl! Tell me who you hanging with, and I’ll tell  you who you are.”  There were no other words that would get under my skin this early in the morning  than these words she would yell out from her home porch which sat about 15′ high.  Those darn words! Rrrrrr, could not be anymore skin ripping.   I was 15 years-old and I had it all under control.  I knew my friends and we were real tight! We knew each other well, and we had no secrets among each other.  I knew it all; and my parents, well, you know, they knew nothing about being a spunky, popular teen. They knew nothing compared to my knowledge– of course. 30 years have now passed now and the years of maturity and wisdom have arrived and settled in. No longer I stand in the shoes of that “know it all” 15 year-old. Things drastically changed!

You may be wondering if that annoying old grandmother of mine was ever right.  Unfortunately, I wish I could say no, but reality is,  being 15 and thinking I knew it all only proved to be quite an embarrassment.  She was not only right. She was right in more than one way! Here’s one teachable moment I have never forgotten.  After 30 years, it still resonates with me like if it happened yesterday.

It was a Friday, mid-day, and as usual, I was with the girls.  The ones I would hang out with. My besties.  Las chicas, as we would call ourselves.  We would frequent daily to the corner store down by the end of the school building for lunch each day.  There we would buy the usual: beef or cheese empanadas, Malta and candy.  We would exit the store and sit on a brick wall that faced the one road street.  It was like a highway in the suburbs.  The traffic was thick during that hour.  The guys would begin to roll up and down the street in their nice, sleek looking rides, tinted windows, and loud music.  Slowly they would  roll down the window just enough  to blow a soft  kiss  or wink of an eye  at the girls sitting on the wall or walking down the street to the store. If the girls  smiled or  blushed, they were in the bag and the show was on.  Next thing you know, you would see the girl jumping into the guy’s car and riding off to who knows where, to only be brought back before the end of the school day to take the bus back home as if she was in school all day.  Parents never knew the difference, until you saw them walking with a belly bump three months later, a shocking sight indeed! Parents would be left breaking their heads going back and forth wondering and asking themselves “how? When? And where were we when this all happened”  Ha! if they only knew!   But this would not be us!  We were good girls.  with a good rep, a good testimony, and from good upbringing.  Well, at least most of us were. Except for one.  There’s always that one friend that ruins it all for the team.  Suddenly, dirty little secrets began to reveal themselves and it didn’t look good.   As we all sat on the wall that Friday during lunch hour, we see that sleek,  little black Toyota stop in front of the corner store.  The door opens and a sexy, long black hair girl  steps out and turns to the group, “which of you is Vanessa?” she asked.   All of our faces went  blank, cheese dripping from our empanadas, our heads all turned to Vanessa, our friend.   “That would be me” replied Vanessa.  The girl walked around the car, swinging her hair back as if she was performing in a Pantane  commercial, swinging her hips side to side  like a gazelle with an attitude speaking loud saying “I am the boss” and before we could all look twice, sodas were flying, empanadas became Frisbee and Vanessa was being yanked off the wall and dragged by the hair all over the pavement.  The beautiful gazelle had her pinned to the ground like a WWE woman wrestler striking her with fists of steel from left to right.  The store owner ran out, pulled the charming gazelle off Vanessa and as she was being separated from her, she screams out, “Next time think twice, before messing with a married man you B%$#%%” .  You understand that last word I’m sure.

Mami Juya’s “Tell me who you are hanging with and I’ll tell you who you are”  spoke volume to me on that day.  I realized why all the guys rolling up and down the street were flirting with us girls sitting on the wall.  To them we were just another number and fast opportunity and nothing more.  On that day, I made my decision to not just do right but to be about it as well.  I understood that if I was going to expect any respect coming from others, it would have to begin with me.    It came clear that no one would respect what I did not inspect.  One friend’s dirty secrets, and lies could have gotten us all into a load of trouble.  Things could have been worse.  We could have been all jumped by a group of beautiful gazelles whooping our behinds and not knowing why.  Not a good place to be.  A true friend would never put you in harm’s way.  It became tangible to me on that day: If I hang with a drug attic, everyone will believe I too am addict, If I hang with a fast and lose girl, I too be looked at as easy and lose.  My morals and values meant more to me than a “friend” that was more than likely become a faded fog passing by after high school to never return.  I began spending more time in the library, reading books, catching up to homework, eating lunch on campus most of the time.  Opening up to more circle of friends and people, and less on the corner store wall.  My change and actions motivated the other girls to follow suit and began to do the same.  If we would have been in the courtyard of  the school house, we could have probably avoided such distress, embarrassment, and Vanessa would not have gotten her butt whopped down by the corner store.  However, one thing I can say, the words of the wise always speaks truth and raises the volume in our lives . Who are your friends?  Who are you hanging with?   Tell me who your hanging with, and I’ll tell you who you are.  Thank you mami Juya for your wise words.