There was once a very wise old woman who would tell me “little girl, tell me who you’re  walking with and I will tell you who you are.” As much as these words would give me a rage of anger each time I heard them, it wasn’t until the years rolled over me that they became very much the pillars of strength this trip into this thing called life had to wait for me. “Tell me who you ’re walking with and I will tell you who you are”. Some deep words for a 16-year-old to comprehend. Yet they didn’t mean much until I began to see myself getting caught up in messes I knew my momma would have killed me if she found out. In this writing, I want to make sense of your struggles.

While many questions may flood your mind daily, it could be very frustrating not knowing how to cope with so much, and many times at such a young age.  You see, your life begins to change here, today, in front of these words. Each day you need to renew yourself, you need to learn to do you! It’s not selfish to think about yourself and love yourself enough to begin taking the steps to the right place you were chosen to be in.  I’ve worked with thousands of young lives the last 20 years of my career. If you ask me, I’ve seen it all, pretty much: homelessness, starvation, abuse, rape, drugs in classroom, gangs, bullying, suicide, death of all sorts, malnutrition, diseases, divorce, runaways, ghetto life, arrests, parole officers walking through classroom doors, K-9 cops doing drug searches, and so on.  So when I say I’ve seen it pretty much all, it’s indeed a fact!

What’s the most valuable asset you have in this very moment?  An asset? Yes, that one thing that’s useful or a valuable thing, person, or quality to you?  When this question is asked in many occasions, it just tickles me how the list goes on and on from my car, my  PS4, my cell phones, my dog, my cat, money, my parents, my job among many other choices. It’s rare that a teen or even some adults hit the true answer on the spot.  Your life is but one. Given to you with one opportunity to make the best of it. With it, comes responsibilities in order to keep it safe and in proper working conditions.  Without it, you would not have that car, that cell phone, nor Fido or Fiffi, or those green bucks, or the amazing mom or dad or both, or even that job whether you love it or not, but it’s a job that allows you to make the money you need.  With this said, your most valuable asset ought to be YOU! When you begin to value the amazing machine you are, and you begin to care, and love yourself for the amazing being you were created to be, then, only then—– you will find others delivering to you the respect you establish first hand. For this reason, I must remind you, no one will respect what you don’t inspect.  Inspect? Yes, inspect.  A Latin verb which means to look at (someone or something) closely, typically to assess their condition or to discover any shortcomings.  Each day you are to look at yourself in that mirror and inspect you that stands in front of it. Each night while laying in bed, you are to inspect your day’s in and day’s out and ask yourself what shortcomings did you face that you could have done better.  The way you treat yourself is the license you will give others to treat you. How do you expect for Tyrone, Sally, Carlos, or Shanti to respect you, when all they see is the way you treat yourself? It’s just common sense, however, we must be reminded from time to time that sense isn’t so common for many.  At end, inspecting ourselves comes in different packages. You may have to question if the way you are dressing may be sending the wrong signal to those around you. You may have to reconsider the vocabulary you use each day while speaking or communicating with others. Is it lacking class? Is it lacking integrity?  Is lacking respect? You may have to shake off some dust of old friends that have done no good for you. If anything, they’ve caused more harm than good in your life. This too is part of inspecting to respect the new you. So here I stand before you, 28 years later from those words that old wise woman once told. Today I realized how many so-called “friends”  I had to leave along the side of the road. Folks that meant no good me, folks that were only on my side until I could give no more, folks that had promised their friendship and loyalty, yet left me in the dark when I most needed them. During those dark moments, I realized who was truly my friend. Who lifted me up when I was down, who had my back when I felt broken.   In your hands sits the key to your very own success. It’s Just a matter of loving you that stands before that mirror today. When you inspect what you respect, you will not expect anything less from those that follow behind you.